Ma-baap aur bachchon ki timing kabhi match nahin kha sakti. Bachpan mein jab launde mohalle ki saari laundiyon ko ghar-ghar ke bahaane byaahte the, Ma-baap ko kabhi ganvaara na hota. Voh aate, sez par baithe dulha-dulhan ko ek-ek kantaap lagaate, aur ghaseetate hue maayke le jaate. 2 fut ka dulha apni vidhivat bani dulhan, aur vivaah ke bhoj-roopi Marie biscuiton ko poori nazar dekh bhi nahin paata.
Cut to 20 saal baad. Vahi launda hai. Vahi ma-baap hain. Zindagi se apekshaayen thodi alag-alag hain.
"Shadi hi nahin karni thi toh chakkar kyun chalaaya?"
Ab toh kaanon ki bhi in shabdon se dosti si ho gayi hai. Jaise hi yeh shabd kaan ke dwaar khatkhatate, kaan ke mel-roopi daas muskuraate hue unka swagat karte hain, aur unhein ek andhere kamre mein baitha dete hain. Thodi roshani hone par shabd dekhate hain voh akele nahin hain. Saal bhar se unke hi jaise libaas mein kai shabd aakar isi kamre mein araam farma rahe hain.
Keval Ma-baap ki hi kyun len. Humaari toh poori duniya le rahi hai.
"Austy, shadi is Farvari mein nibta do. Yeh Anju ke papers hain April mein. Uske baad entrance hai, ho sakta hai naukri bhi lag jaaye. Uske baad toh time nahin nikaal paayegi voh." Samajh nahi aata ki chachiji humaari cousin behan ki baat kar rahi hain, ya saat-pheron mein se ek phere ki. Voh utni hi asaani se yeh bhi keh sakti thi, "Beta, tumhaare ek phere ke paper hain April mein. Phir voh naukri par chala jaayega, aur tum shadi ke mandap par adhoore reh jaaoge."
Ek din ek door ke Mamaji ka phone aaya. "Suna hai, ladki toh tumne fansa li. Ab der kya hai, jaldi karo bhai! Kitna samay hua sab logon ko ek saath baithke mehfil lagaaye hue. Idhar bachchon ki garmiyon ki chhutiyaan bhi aa rahi hain. Ghoomane ki zid kar rahe hain. Tum April vagerah mein shadi karo, toh bachchon ka ghoomna bhi ho jaayega, humaari Lucknow trip bhi ho jaayegi. Hai na? Faaltu mein Goa-voa jaane ka jhanjhat kaun paale, hai na? Aur sab badhiya, chalo baad mein baat karte hain."
Ek toh yeh saariyon ne naak mein bada dum kiya hua hai. Darasal, 1985 ke baad paida hui ladkiyon ko Sari ka sukh kuch kam hi bhogane ko mila hai. Sari ki saari bhadaas shadiyon mein hi nikalati hai. Shadi ka pressure hum par bahot kam hota agar aaj ki Nari ko Sari pehanane ka shauk na hota.
Gf: "Jaldi karo, mujhe voh Dostaana vaali Priyanka ke jaise Sari pehanani hai."
Behan: "Bhaiyya, humne blouse silane ko daal diya."
Mummy: "Aaj tumhaare Papa gaye the, Aminabad. Rishtedaaron ko dene ke liye 250 saariyaan le aaye hain. Ab aa jaao, jaldi-jaldi baat den."
Shadi mein hui taalamtol se aapki premika ke ghar mein ek vichitra samasya hoti hai. Lambi zindagi. Zindagi aur maut ko ja baandhe hue hai, voh hai ladki ki shaadi. Shaadi hui, aur ghar ke sabhi bade-buzurgon ko is bemaani zindagi se nijaat mil jaayegi. "Beta, humaare amuk Chacha, pados ki presswali, aur ghar mein ghoom rahe ek choohe ki tabiyat bahot kharaab hai. Bas tum logon ka byaah dekhane ko ruke hain. Jaldi karo, toh voh bhi chain se mar sakein."
Manavjaati mein isse bada apraadh nahin ho sakta. Kitni bechaari bahuon ko apne saas-sasur ki bina-baat ke dekhbhaal karni pad rahi hai, humaari badaulat. Aur mujh naaspeete se itna nahin ho raha ki shaadi kar lun, aur un sabhi sataayi hui bahuon ko Saas-Sasur se nijaat dila dun.
Kal shaam ghar lauta, toh sadak kinaare rehne vaala kutta daudta hua motorcycle ke peechhe lag gaya. Humne bike dheeme kar di, tab bhi bhonkna chalu tha uska. Hum jaise-taise ghar pahunche, voh raasta rok ke khada ho gaya. Usne humaari aankhon mein dekha, humaare mukh se barbas nikla, "Jald se jald karne ki koshish karunga."
Voh mimiyaata hua, poonchh hilaata hua pant chaatane laga.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Akhbaar aur latrine ki kahani.
Bachpan se humne bhi khoob rishtey jhele hain. Koi baap bana, koi Ma bani, koi dost, koi shadi ka material. Log aaye, log gaye... shikayat ek hi thi.
"Badtameez, tatti mein jaake akhbaar padhte ho?"
Sawaal ek, poochhane vaale kai. Har subah, jab chai ki 3 chuskiyaan maarke main hagne ka praayojan karun, ghar bhar mein mauzood sabhi aankhen bas ektak meri taraf taaken. Pehla kadam, doosra kadam, teesra kadam... aur yeh, aur isi ke saath Utsav Khare ne phirse akhbaar haath mein le liya hai aur Vidya ki Devi ko agarbatti ki jagah koi aur hi khushbu sunghaane ka poora programme bana liya hai.
Zindagi guzar gayi yeh sawaal jhelate-jhelate. Aur jawaab dhoondate-dhoondate.
Ab iska koi kya jawaab de. Kaise koi bataye ki is kism ki khabron ko pacha ke nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.
"Rakhi Sawant swayamwar mein chunengi apna pati." Ab aisi khabar pet ke raaste hote hue dil tak pahunch gayi, toh hum bhi boriya-bistar baandhe line mein khade nazar aayenge. Aap hum par hansenge. Biwi choodiyaan todegi. Rakhi hum jaise ka chehra dekh kar aayojakon ko joota maaregi. Ab ek aurat ke haathon hum apni aisi beijjati toh jhel na paayenge. Humaare bhi jaanane vaale media aur politics mein hain. Kuch hum bhi zor lagayenge, dharne karvaayenge. Ho sakta hai, danga-fasaad bhi ho jaaye. Aisi khabar desh ki sukh-shanti ke liye haanikaarak ho sakti hai. Isko commode par baithe-baithe khaana, pachaana aur nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.
Agli khabar. "Saansad sahab ki kutiya ne diye judva bachche." Sochiye ki yeh khabar hum bahar drawing room mein baith kar padhein, apni dulaari kutiya ke saamne. Kya ashaayen nahin badhengi humaari? Kya hum nahin chahenge ki hum bhi samaaj ki nazron mein upar uthein. Saansad mahodaya ke level par pahunche. Ab sasti quality ki pedigree toh hum apni kutiya ko nahin khilaate. Hum kutiya ko puchkaarenge, doodh din mein do martaba pilaana shuru karenge. Lekin kutiya bhi toh hai padhe-likhe khaandaan mein pali badhi. Family planning to uski nas-nas mein hai. Usne toh pehle se hi kutte ko chetavani de rakhi hogi, "Jo karna hai karo, lekin itna jaan lo, hum 2 humaara 1." Toh kutta-kutiya ki is saazish ke maare judwa hone se rahe. Pilla paida hoga ek, aur hum maar-maar ke kutiya ki haalat kharaab kar denge. Zindagi mein ek dafa chance mila Sansad ka hissa banane ka, aur is mari se voh bhi dekha na gaya. Kutiya bhi kam nahin, jamke badla legi. Raat-beraat drawing room mein jaake dil khol ke hag maaregi. Aap hi bataiye, kutiya ki gand saaf karne se khud araam se akhbaar padhte hue hagna behtar nahin?
2 headline se zyaada aajkal akhbaar mein hota kya hai? Ab surkhiyaan hongi khatam, aur photoyen hongi shuru. Rumaal barabar kapde ki T-shirt pehne ladki, aur uske fate hue ghuttane mein chamchamaate per. Ab aisi cheezen sabke saamne khulke dekhane mein anand kahan? Hum thoda jhukenge, thode tirchhe honge. Agle panne ko haath mein tayyar rakhenge ki jaise hi emergency ho, panna palat maarein. Ab itni khurpench mein bhala koi kisi ki sundarta ka saaf dil se kya nazaara dekhega. Poora ghar aapka hi hai, akhbaar ke paise aapne diye hain, araam se jaaiye latrine mein, aur dil khol ke lutf uthaiye khabron ka.
"Badtameez, tatti mein jaake akhbaar padhte ho?"
Sawaal ek, poochhane vaale kai. Har subah, jab chai ki 3 chuskiyaan maarke main hagne ka praayojan karun, ghar bhar mein mauzood sabhi aankhen bas ektak meri taraf taaken. Pehla kadam, doosra kadam, teesra kadam... aur yeh, aur isi ke saath Utsav Khare ne phirse akhbaar haath mein le liya hai aur Vidya ki Devi ko agarbatti ki jagah koi aur hi khushbu sunghaane ka poora programme bana liya hai.
Zindagi guzar gayi yeh sawaal jhelate-jhelate. Aur jawaab dhoondate-dhoondate.
Ab iska koi kya jawaab de. Kaise koi bataye ki is kism ki khabron ko pacha ke nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.
"Rakhi Sawant swayamwar mein chunengi apna pati." Ab aisi khabar pet ke raaste hote hue dil tak pahunch gayi, toh hum bhi boriya-bistar baandhe line mein khade nazar aayenge. Aap hum par hansenge. Biwi choodiyaan todegi. Rakhi hum jaise ka chehra dekh kar aayojakon ko joota maaregi. Ab ek aurat ke haathon hum apni aisi beijjati toh jhel na paayenge. Humaare bhi jaanane vaale media aur politics mein hain. Kuch hum bhi zor lagayenge, dharne karvaayenge. Ho sakta hai, danga-fasaad bhi ho jaaye. Aisi khabar desh ki sukh-shanti ke liye haanikaarak ho sakti hai. Isko commode par baithe-baithe khaana, pachaana aur nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.
Agli khabar. "Saansad sahab ki kutiya ne diye judva bachche." Sochiye ki yeh khabar hum bahar drawing room mein baith kar padhein, apni dulaari kutiya ke saamne. Kya ashaayen nahin badhengi humaari? Kya hum nahin chahenge ki hum bhi samaaj ki nazron mein upar uthein. Saansad mahodaya ke level par pahunche. Ab sasti quality ki pedigree toh hum apni kutiya ko nahin khilaate. Hum kutiya ko puchkaarenge, doodh din mein do martaba pilaana shuru karenge. Lekin kutiya bhi toh hai padhe-likhe khaandaan mein pali badhi. Family planning to uski nas-nas mein hai. Usne toh pehle se hi kutte ko chetavani de rakhi hogi, "Jo karna hai karo, lekin itna jaan lo, hum 2 humaara 1." Toh kutta-kutiya ki is saazish ke maare judwa hone se rahe. Pilla paida hoga ek, aur hum maar-maar ke kutiya ki haalat kharaab kar denge. Zindagi mein ek dafa chance mila Sansad ka hissa banane ka, aur is mari se voh bhi dekha na gaya. Kutiya bhi kam nahin, jamke badla legi. Raat-beraat drawing room mein jaake dil khol ke hag maaregi. Aap hi bataiye, kutiya ki gand saaf karne se khud araam se akhbaar padhte hue hagna behtar nahin?
2 headline se zyaada aajkal akhbaar mein hota kya hai? Ab surkhiyaan hongi khatam, aur photoyen hongi shuru. Rumaal barabar kapde ki T-shirt pehne ladki, aur uske fate hue ghuttane mein chamchamaate per. Ab aisi cheezen sabke saamne khulke dekhane mein anand kahan? Hum thoda jhukenge, thode tirchhe honge. Agle panne ko haath mein tayyar rakhenge ki jaise hi emergency ho, panna palat maarein. Ab itni khurpench mein bhala koi kisi ki sundarta ka saaf dil se kya nazaara dekhega. Poora ghar aapka hi hai, akhbaar ke paise aapne diye hain, araam se jaaiye latrine mein, aur dil khol ke lutf uthaiye khabron ka.
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