Bade aaye, kitaab chhapvaane

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Samasya humne ek sah-lekhak Tiwariji se share ki. "Kitaab chhaap do", do took jawaab tika ke Tiwary ji ne sar dard se chhutkaara paana chaha. "Kaisi vaahiyaat baat kar rahe hain, ek toh main lekhak, upar se bhasha Hindi. Facebook vaalon ne ab tak humein bahar nahin nikaal fenka, yahi ganimat hai."

Baat par donon ne gaur kiya. Samasya vaqai gambheer jaan padi. Kitaab chhapen bhi toh kahan se chhapen. Bahot soch kar yaad aaya, Mathura mein humaare ek jaanane vaale printing press chalate hain. Ramdev ke pamphlet chhapane ka lifetime contract mila hua hai.

Par voh bhi toh aakhir dhandha hi kar rahe hain. Hum par apni lutiya kyun dubaane lage. Hindi ki kitaab chhap bhi jaaye, toh padhega kaun. Hindi aaj keval khud Hindi lekhak padhte hain, aapas mein hi vichaar-vimarsh karke likh lete hain, aur khud hi prashansa ya tiraskar kar lete hain. Lekin Hindi lekhak bhi tezi se vilupt hoti prajaati hai.

Vilupt hone ka kaaran bhi Hindi hi hai. Sher, cheete, more, chidyaayen... har voh jaanwar jo Hindi bolna, padhna jaante the, vilupt ho gaye. Jo koi bhi bache hain, voh har saal garmiyon mein Russia, China jaake angrezi ka abhyaas kar lete hain. Angrezi unki neenv bachaaye hue hai.

Munshi Premchand ne zindagi mein bahot kuch kiya hoga, lekin aaj ki peedhi ko Hindi padhvaane ka dum voh bhi nahin bhar sakte. Aaj hote, toh yahin kahin Penguin sareekhe publishing house mein translation karaane duad rahe hote.

"Munshi, man, tumhaari kitaab mein masala nahin hai. Catchy nahin hai. Naam hi dekho, Godaan. Kuch stylish naam hona chahiye. Cowboy kaisa rahega?"

Tiwary ji ne dekha mera dil toot raha hai. Pareshaan hoke sujhaavon ki jhadi laga di. "Hum mall ityaadi ke bahar khade hoke kitaab padhna shuru kar denge. Aur tab tak padhenge jab tak log pareshan hoke kitaab na khareed len. Ya phir 2-3 gunde type ke ladkon ke saath raat ko mahilaayon ko pareshaan karenge. Keh denge ya toh humaari kitaab padh lo, ya izzat lootane do."

Dimaag chatane ki ab Tiwary ki baari thi. Unhein humne agla lekh zabardasti padhvaane ki dhamki dekar bhagaaya.

Kuch dinon pehle ek publisher se main khud mila tha. "Hindi likhate hain? Kavitaayen kahan hain? Sher nahin hain? Phir kya Hindi likhate hain." Aise logon par mujhe shaq hota hai, kya yeh ghar mein bhi aise rhyming karke baat karte honge? Jab ghar mein bachcha paida hota hoga, "Meri beti hui hai, bade dinon ke baad, kuch sau jatnon ke baad, padosiyon ke saath."

Darasal kaviyon ne hi Hindi ka jeena dushvaar kar rakha hai. Hindi achchi hai, toh kuch tukbandi honi chahiye, naachna-gaana hona chahiye. Hindi sahi maayne mein aajkal item number ban ke reh gayi hai. Aur hum jaise badsurat ko kaun item number karne dega.

Tiwary ji, kahan ho? Ab humaari dimaag chaatane ki baari hai.

Samaaj ke rakhvaale

Aise hi gaahe begaahe sadak par ghoom rahe the, ki ek prajaati ke yuvkon se mulaqaat hui. 'Ladkiyon ko sadak par chhedane vaali prajaati'. Ghar jakar kya saas-bahu dekhenge, so inse batiyaana shuru kar diya. Log toh inke baare mein akhbhaaron mein hi padhte hain, humein toh saakshaat bhagwaan ke darshan hue the. Bina ek interview liye kaise jaane dete.

Kya sundar yuvak the. Yeh balishath bhujaayen, voh chauda seena. Chehare par noor tapak raha tha. Thoda sa bator ke hum ghar bhi le aaye, proof ke taur pe.

Baaton ka silsila yun hi chal pada. Baat karke jaana, jisse hum chhichorapan samajh ke chhod dete hain, asal mein kitna khoon-pasina ek karne vaala kaam hai.

"Is desh mein kala ki kadra nahin hai bhaisaab. Eve-teasing kala hai, kala. Aise hi koi aira gaira naththukhera thode hi kar sakta hai. Seeti bajaana aata hai aapko? Saamne se guzar rahi ladki ki chaal copy kar sakte hain? Uski awaaz ki nakal bana sakte hain?"

Yeh bolate waqt unki aankhon mein vaisi hi chamak thi, jaisi Himesh Reshammiya ki aankhon mein music compose karte waqt hoti hai. Passion phoot raha tha.

"Sahab apne liye toh poori duniya kaam karti hai. Hum toh samajseva karke hi khush hain. Aaj ki nari ka har jagah tiraskaar hota hai. Shaam ko pati ghar laut ke aata hai, Old Monk ke do ghoont lagata hai, aur bistar par retire kar jaata hai. Shaam se saj dhaj ke baithi nari andar hi andar kudti rehti hai, din raat aise hi pisate rehti hai. Agar hum uski khoobsurati ki thodi prashansa kar den, toh kiski gaiyya bachhda dene se mana kar degi?"

Baat sahi maaloom padi. Ek aur sawaal jo kai dinon se khatak raha tha, humne poochh hi daala.

"Aap log apne gharon mein bhi aise hi hain? Matlab apni Ma, betiyon ke saath?"

"Kya bakwaas kar rahe hain. Hum sabhi padhe-likhe, sabhya gharon se hain. Yeh sab humaare ghar mein nahin hota. Isliye bahar karte hain."

Aur baaton se aur khulaase hue. Baat aajkal ki ladkiyon ke pehnaave par aayi. "Bhaisaab, hum jaise log na hon toh auratein kuch bhi apni mann, marzi se pehan kar ghoomein. Kya bhadde, ghinone kapde pehanti hain. Aise kapde samaaj ka star neechhe gira rahe hain. Hum unki skirt neechhe gira ke star upar le jaana chahte hain."

Par raat mein akele sadak par chalti aajkal ki ladki safe feel nahin karti. "Raat mein naari ka dharam hai pati ya pita ki seva karna. Unke liye khaana banana, agle din ke kapde press karke rakhna. Raat mein sadak par ghoomati naari apna dharam bhool chuki hai. Hum keval usse uska dharam yaad dila rahe hain."

Baatein chal hi rahi thi ki mohalle ke kutton ne attack kar diya. Samajh na aaya kyun. Phir pata chala, kal ek kutte ki biwi nangi ghoom rahi thi. In samaaj ke rakhwaalon ne usse bhi dharam ka paath pada diya tha.

Sabka wood, Bollywood

Beete dinon ek sajjan se mile. Asli Hindustani. Subah uthake chahen kulla na karein, aankhen na dhulen, Bollywood ki baat kiye bina voh 10 na bajne dete the.

Kuch din humaare saath aakar hi ruke. Bollywood ke alaava unke humaare khaandaan mein bhi achche relations the, so hum mana na kar sake.

Aur phir shuru hui Bollywood ki leni-deni.

"Bhaisaab, humein toh is Film Industry se nafrat hai nafrat. Khoon khaul uthata hai ragon mein jab dekhta hun iski aisi haalat ho gayi hai. Ek Murari gaaon se shehar aa gaya, aur 7 naslon ko de gaya job security. Hero jab budhdha ho jaaye toh hero ke baap ka role mil jaata hai, aur uska jawaan ho chala beta hero ban jaata hai. Bhayank nepotism hai bhaisaab, bhayanak."

Baat par humne gaur kiya. Phir in sahab par. Pichchale 150 saalon se inka khaandaan Lucknow mein kachauri ka business kar raha hai. Baap-dada thele par becha karte the, ab pucci dukaan ho gayi hai. Kachauri bechane vaale ka beta kachauri beche toh usse family business kehte hain. Puraani filmon ke hero ka beta hero ban jaaye, toh nepotism.

Ek din hum ghar pahunche toh, sahab gamchcha sir par baandhe TV dekh rahe the. Hum samajh gaye aaj sahab Director's hat pehne hain.

"Ab yeh bhi koi film hui? Pehle 10 minute mein samajh aa gaya ladki ka khoon kisane kiya hai?"

"Par pehle 10 minute mein toh khoon hua hi nahin tha."

"Aur bataiye. Ab kaun dekhega aisi film. Khoon hue bina kaatil ka pata chal jaata hai."

Ek din Omkara picture dekh rahe the. Aadhe ghante mein gaaliyaan dete hue bahar nikal gaye.

"Yeh kis kism ke bhadde dialogues hain? Ma chud gayi yaar. Patni ke saath film dekhane aaye the, sharam se paani paani ho gaye hain."

Sahab kaafi patnivrata insaan hain. Biwi ke saamne gaali tab tak nahin nikalati hai jab tak chai mein cheeni, khichdi mein namak, aur bistar par maza kam nahin hota. Lekin voh toh aakhir pati hain. Unka gaali dena vaazib maloom padta hai. Unki upasthithi mein koi aur biwi ke saamne gaali de, yeh toh naagvaar guzrega hi.

Phir bhi maante hain ki filmein samaaj ka darpan hain. Yeh kaisa darpan hai? Kinaaron se toota darpan? Jismein utna hi dikhega jitna dekhne ki ichcha ho. Film ka ticket khareedate waqt hum voh darpan khareed lete hain. Phir usmein humaara utna hi pratibimb dikhna chahiye jitna hum chahen. Agar usmein humaare sushil samaaj ki koi bhi nangi sachchai saamne aa jaaye, toh humaari gaand phat jaati hai.

Realistic cinema isse hi toh kehte hain.