Apne se neeche vaalon ko dekho.

Balcony pe khada, main pareshan hun aaj
Buzurgon ki sikhaayi baat yaad aa gayi
Neeche dekhta hun

Dekhta hun uss gamche mein thand se ladte bachche ko
Phir apni fur pe chamde ki coat vaali jacket ko
Buzurgon ki seekh kaam aati hai,
Thand pal bhar mein kafoor ho jaati hai

Dekhta hun door us traffic light ki taraf
Bhookh ke maare bhikhmange ko
Haath mein pakda sandwich ab bharpet swad deta hai

Andar TV pe kisi ke yahan sookha pada hai
TV dheema karne ko badhta hun
Phir deewaar pe aati seelan mein
Rayeesi ke sapne main bunta hun

Apne se neeche vaalon ko dekho
Dekho unka dukh dard
Hanso, khilli udaao
Dukh sukh conversion ki
Is scheme ka tum bhi faayda uthao.

Budhaapa

Kuch 1.5 saal ke antraal ke baad Nanihaal jaane ka phir mauka laga. Yun mauke pehle bhi kai mile the, lekin kabhi hum mitron ke saath somras mein doobe hote, kabhi Ma-Baap ke prati kartavya nibhaate hote. Humaari jawaani aur unke budhaape ke saath Nana-Nani priority list mein neeche khiskate gaye.

Haalat kuch yun ho gayi ki humse milane ko Nana ko haddi tudvaani padi. Idhar baaki bhai-behan bhi Nana se milane door desh se aa pahunche. Kuch unse milane ki khushi, kuch unke pehle pahunch jaane ki sharmindgi ne mili-bhagat ki aur hum bhi Nanihaal pahunch hi gaye.

Jabse hosh sambhaala hai, Nana ko isi haal mein dekha hai. Safed pyajama, neeli khaki ki shirt, jiski chor pocket mein Nana apni mehnat ki kamai saalon se sahejate aa rahe hain. Jeebh par masala, aankhon pe voh toota chashma, jo badi besharmi se saalon se vahin chipka hua hai, maano keh raha ho, "Chal hatt paraaye, inka apna toh main hi hun."


Aur unke chehare par hoti dher saari santushti. Voh jo sirf us aadmi ke chehare par dikhti hai jisse zindagi se koi khaas gile-shikave nahin hain.


Baaki sab jas ka tas tha, par khushi ki kursi ab laachaari sambhaale hue thi. Yun kai janon se zyaada budhaapa dekha ho humaare Nana ne, chehare par is dafa hi dekhane ko mila tha.


"Nana, namaste"

"Namaste, namaste... aur, kaise ho?" Kaahe bakwaas karte ho Nana. Poochhna chahte ho ki karamjale aaj meri yaad kahan se aa gayi. Par poochoge nahin, badappan dikhaane ka theka jo liye baithe ho.


"Theek hun Nana. Aap kaise ho?"

"Hum... huh... haan theek hain. Bas yeh thodi takleef ho gayi per mein. Uthane baithane mein dikkat hoti hai. Latrine bhi nahin kar paate. Yeh panditji sahara dekar baithaate hain seat pe. Aur kya batayen."


Nana aur humne ice break kar li thi. Hum 3-4 bhai kamre mein Nana ke saath baith gaye.


Aur phir, Nana jawaan ho chale. TV par match chalaaya gaya. Pakau match, na humein koi interest, aur Nana ko jeevan ke is mod par Dhoni ki batting mein kya hi ras milega. Lekin cricket poore desh ko ek kar sakta hai, toh hum toh rishtedaari mein aate hain.

"Kya score hua hai?"

"Nana India jeetane vaali hai."

"Jeetane vaali hai? Chalo, achcha hai."

Chand pal phir shanti ki achanak, "Arrey voh laddoo kahan gaye? Voh laddoo nikaalo koi."

Ghee mein nahaaye hue laddoo, jinhein Dr. Saxena ke bagal vaale halwaai ne badi betarteebi, bade beman se banaya tha. Dabbe pe likha tha, "Swadisht bhi, sehatmand bhi." Swadisht nahin pata, lekin sehatmand zaroor the. Hum khaate ja rahe the, aur Nana ka khoon badhe ja raha tha.

"Abhi ho ki nikalane vaale ho?"

"Nana hum yehi ruk rahe hain aaj."

"Yehi ruk rahe ho? Kyun?"

Zindagi mein kai logon ne kai martaba kyun poochha hai mujhse. Lekin is shabd mein kitna vazan, ya bojha ho sakta hai, kabhi nahin socha tha.

"Aise hi Nana. Aaj yehi rukenge."

Nana ka seena chauda ho chala. Aur saath mein shuru ho gayi kambal parade. "Arrey koi kothari se kambal nikaalo. Gadde bhi chahiye padenge. Tum log Mandir mein so loge?"

Haan Nana. Maana ki kaafi kamaane lag gaye hain aur naram, aaraamdaayak gaddon par sone ki aadat pad gayi hai, lekin aaj Mandir mein in sakht gaddon par no soye, toh agle 3-4 dinon tak neend nahin aayegi.

"Khana kya khaoge?" ab Nani ki baari thi. "Ghar mein toh kuch hoga nahin. Tum log sabzi le aao, main kuch bana dungi."

"Khaana bahar se aa jaayega Nani."

Ghar mein sabzi na hone ki lachaari ne Nani ko kuch bolane se chup karaaya. Aur meri bevkoofi ne mujhe.

"Nahin, khaana toh ghar mein hi banega. Tum log sabzi le aao" Mausi ki awaaz aayi.

Thele pe pahunche, aur khuda kasam kuch nahin hoga jo khareeda nahin. Bhindi, mooli, gaajar, gobhi, baingan, adrak, neembu, pyaaz. Sabzi bhi kya cheez hai. Kabhi bhookh se marne se bachaati hai, kabhi sharmindgi se.

Voh raat bina aur bevkoofi kiye humne kaati. Hanste, khilkhilaate, taash ke bahaane raat bhar jagte hue.

Savere uthke Nana se alvida li. Ghar se nikalate waqt khushi thi, jis aadmi ne saalon saal sabka saath diya, har kisi ko gale lagaaya, ghar mein jagah di, uske liye itna toh kar hi sakte hain. 9 ladkiyon ke pita ko paani pilaane vaala ek haath bhi nahin hai, kyunki is desh mein sirf ladki ka pita hona budhaape aur akelepan ka byaah karaane jaisa hai.

Kaafi champion aadmi hain hum. Apne Nana ke saath samay bitaane mein bhi jan-chetna aur public service ka anand dhoond lete hain.

Bura waqt

Kaafi baaton par mera drishtikon hai. Yeh bura waqt haraamzaada figure out nahin kar pa raha tha. Bag uthaaya aur pahunch gaye Waqt Bewaqt Bura Waqt, Department of Human Misery, Government of God.

Scene maanavjaati ke sarkari daftaron se kuch khaas alag nahin tha. Bahar mujh jaison ki lambi line. Andar chai, samose khaate mard, sweater bunati auratein. Pehle kahan jaun, pehle kahan jaun. Haan, khidki no. 4, "Overall Bura Waqt."

"Kya jaanana chahte hain aap? Bura waqt kyun chal raha hai? Aapko andar kisane aane diya?"

50 ka note thamaane ka time aa gaya tha.

"Dekhiye, kya naam hai aapka? Ji, Utsav ji, sochna samajhana aage ke counters par shuru hota hai. Yahan hum sirf file kickstart karte hain. Voh peechhe almaari dekh rahe hain. Kai saari files usmein kai dinon se dhool kha rahi thi. Lucky draw kiya, aur baaki aapki footi kismat."

Khidki no. 5, "Shadishuda zindagi mein bura waqt."

"Dekhiye, kisi ki life history, jeevan ki samvednaayen, circumstances ityaadi padhke hum yeh anumaan lagate hain. Logic bada simple hai, bahot zyaada mohabbat bhi mohabbat ke liye haanikaarak ho sakti hai. Isliye jinki shadishuda zindagi kai dinon se shantimay chal rahi hai, unhein bure waqt ki darkaar hai. Jhagda hoga, ladai hogi, mohabbat ka imtehaan hoga. Agar aap jhel gaye, toh vaqai mohabbat thi. Nahin jhel paaye, toh kab tak galat mandir mein ghanta bajaate rahenge?"

"Toh isliye aapne mere saath aisa..."

"Nahin, nahin, nahin. Yeh toh kitaabi baatein hain. Itna waqt kiske paas hai. Jabse meri yeh nayi secretary aayi hain, Brahma ji ke office se 4 baar dhamki aa chuki hai ki mera kaam mein dhyaan nahin lag raha. Dharti par mohabbat barbaad nahin ho rahi. Isliye Overall Bura Waqt vaale aajkal jo bhi file bhejte hain, main thappa lagva ke aage bhej deta hun. Aapko lagvaana hai, thappa?"

Khidki no. 6, "Daftar mein Bura Waqt".

"Aapki file Shadishuda vaale counter se clear ho gayi thi?"

"Nahin Sir. Unhone bure waqt ke liye mera chayan kiya tha."

"Private mein kaam karte hain ya Sarkari mein?"

"Private, Sir."

"Dekhiye, Private mein naukri karne vaalon ki shadishuda zindagi par sirf ek vajah se bura waqt aa sakta hai. Chakkar chal raha hai na kisi mast patakha ladki ke saath daftar mein?"

"Ji nahin Sir."

"Jhooth mat boliye. Aapki aankhen bol rahi hain. Jis Private vaale ki shadishuda zindagi bure waqt mein aa rahi hai, uska yakeenan daftar mein chakkar chal raha hai. Isliye aapka daftar badalana behad zaroori hai. Apne aap kyun badalane lage? So is daftar mein aapka bura waqt humne shuru kara diya hai. Jitni jaldi daftar badalenge, utni jaldi shadishuda zindagi sambhal paayenge. Family first."



"Par Sir, un logon ne toh koi aur logic bataaya tha..."



"Chaliye aage badhiye, aur bhi log hain line mein."



Khidki no. 7, "Baaki paarivaarik zindagi mein Bura Waqt".

"Dost yaar hain aapke?"

"Ji."

"Mummy Papa?"

"Ji bilkul. Aap logon ne abhi tak humein aasmaan se tapkaana shuru nahin kiya."

"Yeh dharti ka sense of humour vahin chhod ke aaya kijiye. Jiska ghar aur daftar donon thuka ho, usse baaki parivaar aur doston ki chinta karne ka waqt kahan? Jahan itna jhel rahe hain, vahan thoda aur jhel lijiye. Baaki umeedwaaron ki zindagi theek-thaak chal rahi hai, unhein kyun bina baat ke tension den. Aapki biwi naraaz hai, boss naraaz hai, Papa ke chillane se kaun si gadhdhe ki khaai ban rahi hai. Jaaiye, chill maariye."

"Khidki no. 8, Miscellaneous Cheezon par Bura Waqt."

"Aapki gaadi ka challan jis Police waale ne kiya, uski naukri khatre mein thi. Jald hi kuch paisa kama ke usko Sarkar ko dena tha. Is kaam mein aap saksham saabti hue, iska aapko garv hona chahiye. Jis chor ne aapki jeb kaati, uska Police dwaara pakde jaana aur jail ki hawa khaana aage ke jeevan ke liye zaroori tha. Ab voh sudhar gaya hai, iska saara shreya aapko jaata hai. Normal circumstances mein kaam poora hone ke baad aapka batua aapko mil jaana chahiye tha, lekin aapki Police ke aage bhagwaan ki bhi nahin chalti. Bijli ka bill 3 mahinon se 3 hazaar se jyaada kyun aa raha hai, yeh aap swayam pata karein. Hum iske liye ek investigation committee baitha sakte hain, lekin humein umeed hai aap humse pehle pata laga paayenge."

Aur kuch sunane-sunaane ko na bacha tha. Lautate hue staff ne mujhe ek good luck charm se nawaaza.

Nahin, la nahin paaya. Dharti par utarte hi custom vaalon ne seize kar liya.

Bade aaye, kitaab chhapvaane

Facebook par notes ko kuch khaas bhaav nahin diye gaye. Mere vaahiyaat lekhon par response nahin aa raha tha, sivaaye unke jinhein main comment karne ke liye sharaab pilaata hun (ya kind mein, unke ghatiya notes ko like kar deta hun).

Samasya humne ek sah-lekhak Tiwariji se share ki. "Kitaab chhaap do", do took jawaab tika ke Tiwary ji ne sar dard se chhutkaara paana chaha. "Kaisi vaahiyaat baat kar rahe hain, ek toh main lekhak, upar se bhasha Hindi. Facebook vaalon ne ab tak humein bahar nahin nikaal fenka, yahi ganimat hai."

Baat par donon ne gaur kiya. Samasya vaqai gambheer jaan padi. Kitaab chhapen bhi toh kahan se chhapen. Bahot soch kar yaad aaya, Mathura mein humaare ek jaanane vaale printing press chalate hain. Ramdev ke pamphlet chhapane ka lifetime contract mila hua hai.

Par voh bhi toh aakhir dhandha hi kar rahe hain. Hum par apni lutiya kyun dubaane lage. Hindi ki kitaab chhap bhi jaaye, toh padhega kaun. Hindi aaj keval khud Hindi lekhak padhte hain, aapas mein hi vichaar-vimarsh karke likh lete hain, aur khud hi prashansa ya tiraskar kar lete hain. Lekin Hindi lekhak bhi tezi se vilupt hoti prajaati hai.

Vilupt hone ka kaaran bhi Hindi hi hai. Sher, cheete, more, chidyaayen... har voh jaanwar jo Hindi bolna, padhna jaante the, vilupt ho gaye. Jo koi bhi bache hain, voh har saal garmiyon mein Russia, China jaake angrezi ka abhyaas kar lete hain. Angrezi unki neenv bachaaye hue hai.

Munshi Premchand ne zindagi mein bahot kuch kiya hoga, lekin aaj ki peedhi ko Hindi padhvaane ka dum voh bhi nahin bhar sakte. Aaj hote, toh yahin kahin Penguin sareekhe publishing house mein translation karaane duad rahe hote.

"Munshi, man, tumhaari kitaab mein masala nahin hai. Catchy nahin hai. Naam hi dekho, Godaan. Kuch stylish naam hona chahiye. Cowboy kaisa rahega?"

Tiwary ji ne dekha mera dil toot raha hai. Pareshaan hoke sujhaavon ki jhadi laga di. "Hum mall ityaadi ke bahar khade hoke kitaab padhna shuru kar denge. Aur tab tak padhenge jab tak log pareshan hoke kitaab na khareed len. Ya phir 2-3 gunde type ke ladkon ke saath raat ko mahilaayon ko pareshaan karenge. Keh denge ya toh humaari kitaab padh lo, ya izzat lootane do."

Dimaag chatane ki ab Tiwary ki baari thi. Unhein humne agla lekh zabardasti padhvaane ki dhamki dekar bhagaaya.

Kuch dinon pehle ek publisher se main khud mila tha. "Hindi likhate hain? Kavitaayen kahan hain? Sher nahin hain? Phir kya Hindi likhate hain." Aise logon par mujhe shaq hota hai, kya yeh ghar mein bhi aise rhyming karke baat karte honge? Jab ghar mein bachcha paida hota hoga, "Meri beti hui hai, bade dinon ke baad, kuch sau jatnon ke baad, padosiyon ke saath."

Darasal kaviyon ne hi Hindi ka jeena dushvaar kar rakha hai. Hindi achchi hai, toh kuch tukbandi honi chahiye, naachna-gaana hona chahiye. Hindi sahi maayne mein aajkal item number ban ke reh gayi hai. Aur hum jaise badsurat ko kaun item number karne dega.

Tiwary ji, kahan ho? Ab humaari dimaag chaatane ki baari hai.

Samaaj ke rakhvaale

Aise hi gaahe begaahe sadak par ghoom rahe the, ki ek prajaati ke yuvkon se mulaqaat hui. 'Ladkiyon ko sadak par chhedane vaali prajaati'. Ghar jakar kya saas-bahu dekhenge, so inse batiyaana shuru kar diya. Log toh inke baare mein akhbhaaron mein hi padhte hain, humein toh saakshaat bhagwaan ke darshan hue the. Bina ek interview liye kaise jaane dete.

Kya sundar yuvak the. Yeh balishath bhujaayen, voh chauda seena. Chehare par noor tapak raha tha. Thoda sa bator ke hum ghar bhi le aaye, proof ke taur pe.

Baaton ka silsila yun hi chal pada. Baat karke jaana, jisse hum chhichorapan samajh ke chhod dete hain, asal mein kitna khoon-pasina ek karne vaala kaam hai.

"Is desh mein kala ki kadra nahin hai bhaisaab. Eve-teasing kala hai, kala. Aise hi koi aira gaira naththukhera thode hi kar sakta hai. Seeti bajaana aata hai aapko? Saamne se guzar rahi ladki ki chaal copy kar sakte hain? Uski awaaz ki nakal bana sakte hain?"

Yeh bolate waqt unki aankhon mein vaisi hi chamak thi, jaisi Himesh Reshammiya ki aankhon mein music compose karte waqt hoti hai. Passion phoot raha tha.

"Sahab apne liye toh poori duniya kaam karti hai. Hum toh samajseva karke hi khush hain. Aaj ki nari ka har jagah tiraskaar hota hai. Shaam ko pati ghar laut ke aata hai, Old Monk ke do ghoont lagata hai, aur bistar par retire kar jaata hai. Shaam se saj dhaj ke baithi nari andar hi andar kudti rehti hai, din raat aise hi pisate rehti hai. Agar hum uski khoobsurati ki thodi prashansa kar den, toh kiski gaiyya bachhda dene se mana kar degi?"

Baat sahi maaloom padi. Ek aur sawaal jo kai dinon se khatak raha tha, humne poochh hi daala.

"Aap log apne gharon mein bhi aise hi hain? Matlab apni Ma, betiyon ke saath?"

"Kya bakwaas kar rahe hain. Hum sabhi padhe-likhe, sabhya gharon se hain. Yeh sab humaare ghar mein nahin hota. Isliye bahar karte hain."

Aur baaton se aur khulaase hue. Baat aajkal ki ladkiyon ke pehnaave par aayi. "Bhaisaab, hum jaise log na hon toh auratein kuch bhi apni mann, marzi se pehan kar ghoomein. Kya bhadde, ghinone kapde pehanti hain. Aise kapde samaaj ka star neechhe gira rahe hain. Hum unki skirt neechhe gira ke star upar le jaana chahte hain."

Par raat mein akele sadak par chalti aajkal ki ladki safe feel nahin karti. "Raat mein naari ka dharam hai pati ya pita ki seva karna. Unke liye khaana banana, agle din ke kapde press karke rakhna. Raat mein sadak par ghoomati naari apna dharam bhool chuki hai. Hum keval usse uska dharam yaad dila rahe hain."

Baatein chal hi rahi thi ki mohalle ke kutton ne attack kar diya. Samajh na aaya kyun. Phir pata chala, kal ek kutte ki biwi nangi ghoom rahi thi. In samaaj ke rakhwaalon ne usse bhi dharam ka paath pada diya tha.

Sabka wood, Bollywood

Beete dinon ek sajjan se mile. Asli Hindustani. Subah uthake chahen kulla na karein, aankhen na dhulen, Bollywood ki baat kiye bina voh 10 na bajne dete the.

Kuch din humaare saath aakar hi ruke. Bollywood ke alaava unke humaare khaandaan mein bhi achche relations the, so hum mana na kar sake.

Aur phir shuru hui Bollywood ki leni-deni.

"Bhaisaab, humein toh is Film Industry se nafrat hai nafrat. Khoon khaul uthata hai ragon mein jab dekhta hun iski aisi haalat ho gayi hai. Ek Murari gaaon se shehar aa gaya, aur 7 naslon ko de gaya job security. Hero jab budhdha ho jaaye toh hero ke baap ka role mil jaata hai, aur uska jawaan ho chala beta hero ban jaata hai. Bhayank nepotism hai bhaisaab, bhayanak."

Baat par humne gaur kiya. Phir in sahab par. Pichchale 150 saalon se inka khaandaan Lucknow mein kachauri ka business kar raha hai. Baap-dada thele par becha karte the, ab pucci dukaan ho gayi hai. Kachauri bechane vaale ka beta kachauri beche toh usse family business kehte hain. Puraani filmon ke hero ka beta hero ban jaaye, toh nepotism.

Ek din hum ghar pahunche toh, sahab gamchcha sir par baandhe TV dekh rahe the. Hum samajh gaye aaj sahab Director's hat pehne hain.

"Ab yeh bhi koi film hui? Pehle 10 minute mein samajh aa gaya ladki ka khoon kisane kiya hai?"

"Par pehle 10 minute mein toh khoon hua hi nahin tha."

"Aur bataiye. Ab kaun dekhega aisi film. Khoon hue bina kaatil ka pata chal jaata hai."

Ek din Omkara picture dekh rahe the. Aadhe ghante mein gaaliyaan dete hue bahar nikal gaye.

"Yeh kis kism ke bhadde dialogues hain? Ma chud gayi yaar. Patni ke saath film dekhane aaye the, sharam se paani paani ho gaye hain."

Sahab kaafi patnivrata insaan hain. Biwi ke saamne gaali tab tak nahin nikalati hai jab tak chai mein cheeni, khichdi mein namak, aur bistar par maza kam nahin hota. Lekin voh toh aakhir pati hain. Unka gaali dena vaazib maloom padta hai. Unki upasthithi mein koi aur biwi ke saamne gaali de, yeh toh naagvaar guzrega hi.

Phir bhi maante hain ki filmein samaaj ka darpan hain. Yeh kaisa darpan hai? Kinaaron se toota darpan? Jismein utna hi dikhega jitna dekhne ki ichcha ho. Film ka ticket khareedate waqt hum voh darpan khareed lete hain. Phir usmein humaara utna hi pratibimb dikhna chahiye jitna hum chahen. Agar usmein humaare sushil samaaj ki koi bhi nangi sachchai saamne aa jaaye, toh humaari gaand phat jaati hai.

Realistic cinema isse hi toh kehte hain.

Aao khelen shadi-shadi.

Ma-baap aur bachchon ki timing kabhi match nahin kha sakti. Bachpan mein jab launde mohalle ki saari laundiyon ko ghar-ghar ke bahaane byaahte the, Ma-baap ko kabhi ganvaara na hota. Voh aate, sez par baithe dulha-dulhan ko ek-ek kantaap lagaate, aur ghaseetate hue maayke le jaate. 2 fut ka dulha apni vidhivat bani dulhan, aur vivaah ke bhoj-roopi Marie biscuiton ko poori nazar dekh bhi nahin paata.

Cut to 20 saal baad. Vahi launda hai. Vahi ma-baap hain. Zindagi se apekshaayen thodi alag-alag hain.

"Shadi hi nahin karni thi toh chakkar kyun chalaaya?"

Ab toh kaanon ki bhi in shabdon se dosti si ho gayi hai. Jaise hi yeh shabd kaan ke dwaar khatkhatate, kaan ke mel-roopi daas muskuraate hue unka swagat karte hain, aur unhein ek andhere kamre mein baitha dete hain. Thodi roshani hone par shabd dekhate hain voh akele nahin hain. Saal bhar se unke hi jaise libaas mein kai shabd aakar isi kamre mein araam farma rahe hain.

Keval Ma-baap ki hi kyun len. Humaari toh poori duniya le rahi hai.

"Austy, shadi is Farvari mein nibta do. Yeh Anju ke papers hain April mein. Uske baad entrance hai, ho sakta hai naukri bhi lag jaaye. Uske baad toh time nahin nikaal paayegi voh." Samajh nahi aata ki chachiji humaari cousin behan ki baat kar rahi hain, ya saat-pheron mein se ek phere ki. Voh utni hi asaani se yeh bhi keh sakti thi, "Beta, tumhaare ek phere ke paper hain April mein. Phir voh naukri par chala jaayega, aur tum shadi ke mandap par adhoore reh jaaoge."

Ek din ek door ke Mamaji ka phone aaya. "Suna hai, ladki toh tumne fansa li. Ab der kya hai, jaldi karo bhai! Kitna samay hua sab logon ko ek saath baithke mehfil lagaaye hue. Idhar bachchon ki garmiyon ki chhutiyaan bhi aa rahi hain. Ghoomane ki zid kar rahe hain. Tum April vagerah mein shadi karo, toh bachchon ka ghoomna bhi ho jaayega, humaari Lucknow trip bhi ho jaayegi. Hai na? Faaltu mein Goa-voa jaane ka jhanjhat kaun paale, hai na? Aur sab badhiya, chalo baad mein baat karte hain."

Ek toh yeh saariyon ne naak mein bada dum kiya hua hai. Darasal, 1985 ke baad paida hui ladkiyon ko Sari ka sukh kuch kam hi bhogane ko mila hai. Sari ki saari bhadaas shadiyon mein hi nikalati hai. Shadi ka pressure hum par bahot kam hota agar aaj ki Nari ko Sari pehanane ka shauk na hota.

Gf: "Jaldi karo, mujhe voh Dostaana vaali Priyanka ke jaise Sari pehanani hai."

Behan: "Bhaiyya, humne blouse silane ko daal diya."

Mummy: "Aaj tumhaare Papa gaye the, Aminabad. Rishtedaaron ko dene ke liye 250 saariyaan le aaye hain. Ab aa jaao, jaldi-jaldi baat den."

Shadi mein hui taalamtol se aapki premika ke ghar mein ek vichitra samasya hoti hai. Lambi zindagi. Zindagi aur maut ko ja baandhe hue hai, voh hai ladki ki shaadi. Shaadi hui, aur ghar ke sabhi bade-buzurgon ko is bemaani zindagi se nijaat mil jaayegi. "Beta, humaare amuk Chacha, pados ki presswali, aur ghar mein ghoom rahe ek choohe ki tabiyat bahot kharaab hai. Bas tum logon ka byaah dekhane ko ruke hain. Jaldi karo, toh voh bhi chain se mar sakein."

Manavjaati mein isse bada apraadh nahin ho sakta. Kitni bechaari bahuon ko apne saas-sasur ki bina-baat ke dekhbhaal karni pad rahi hai, humaari badaulat. Aur mujh naaspeete se itna nahin ho raha ki shaadi kar lun, aur un sabhi sataayi hui bahuon ko Saas-Sasur se nijaat dila dun.

Kal shaam ghar lauta, toh sadak kinaare rehne vaala kutta daudta hua motorcycle ke peechhe lag gaya. Humne bike dheeme kar di, tab bhi bhonkna chalu tha uska. Hum jaise-taise ghar pahunche, voh raasta rok ke khada ho gaya. Usne humaari aankhon mein dekha, humaare mukh se barbas nikla, "Jald se jald karne ki koshish karunga."

Voh mimiyaata hua, poonchh hilaata hua pant chaatane laga.

Akhbaar aur latrine ki kahani.

Bachpan se humne bhi khoob rishtey jhele hain. Koi baap bana, koi Ma bani, koi dost, koi shadi ka material. Log aaye, log gaye... shikayat ek hi thi.



"Badtameez, tatti mein jaake akhbaar padhte ho?"



Sawaal ek, poochhane vaale kai. Har subah, jab chai ki 3 chuskiyaan maarke main hagne ka praayojan karun, ghar bhar mein mauzood sabhi aankhen bas ektak meri taraf taaken. Pehla kadam, doosra kadam, teesra kadam... aur yeh, aur isi ke saath Utsav Khare ne phirse akhbaar haath mein le liya hai aur Vidya ki Devi ko agarbatti ki jagah koi aur hi khushbu sunghaane ka poora programme bana liya hai.



Zindagi guzar gayi yeh sawaal jhelate-jhelate. Aur jawaab dhoondate-dhoondate.



Ab iska koi kya jawaab de. Kaise koi bataye ki is kism ki khabron ko pacha ke nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.

"Rakhi Sawant swayamwar mein chunengi apna pati." Ab aisi khabar pet ke raaste hote hue dil tak pahunch gayi, toh hum bhi boriya-bistar baandhe line mein khade nazar aayenge. Aap hum par hansenge. Biwi choodiyaan todegi. Rakhi hum jaise ka chehra dekh kar aayojakon ko joota maaregi. Ab ek aurat ke haathon hum apni aisi beijjati toh jhel na paayenge. Humaare bhi jaanane vaale media aur politics mein hain. Kuch hum bhi zor lagayenge, dharne karvaayenge. Ho sakta hai, danga-fasaad bhi ho jaaye. Aisi khabar desh ki sukh-shanti ke liye haanikaarak ho sakti hai. Isko commode par baithe-baithe khaana, pachaana aur nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.

Agli khabar. "Saansad sahab ki kutiya ne diye judva bachche." Sochiye ki yeh khabar hum bahar drawing room mein baith kar padhein, apni dulaari kutiya ke saamne. Kya ashaayen nahin badhengi humaari? Kya hum nahin chahenge ki hum bhi samaaj ki nazron mein upar uthein. Saansad mahodaya ke level par pahunche. Ab sasti quality ki pedigree toh hum apni kutiya ko nahin khilaate. Hum kutiya ko puchkaarenge, doodh din mein do martaba pilaana shuru karenge. Lekin kutiya bhi toh hai padhe-likhe khaandaan mein pali badhi. Family planning to uski nas-nas mein hai. Usne toh pehle se hi kutte ko chetavani de rakhi hogi, "Jo karna hai karo, lekin itna jaan lo, hum 2 humaara 1." Toh kutta-kutiya ki is saazish ke maare judwa hone se rahe. Pilla paida hoga ek, aur hum maar-maar ke kutiya ki haalat kharaab kar denge. Zindagi mein ek dafa chance mila Sansad ka hissa banane ka, aur is mari se voh bhi dekha na gaya. Kutiya bhi kam nahin, jamke badla legi. Raat-beraat drawing room mein jaake dil khol ke hag maaregi. Aap hi bataiye, kutiya ki gand saaf karne se khud araam se akhbaar padhte hue hagna behtar nahin?

2 headline se zyaada aajkal akhbaar mein hota kya hai? Ab surkhiyaan hongi khatam, aur photoyen hongi shuru. Rumaal barabar kapde ki T-shirt pehne ladki, aur uske fate hue ghuttane mein chamchamaate per. Ab aisi cheezen sabke saamne khulke dekhane mein anand kahan? Hum thoda jhukenge, thode tirchhe honge. Agle panne ko haath mein tayyar rakhenge ki jaise hi emergency ho, panna palat maarein. Ab itni khurpench mein bhala koi kisi ki sundarta ka saaf dil se kya nazaara dekhega. Poora ghar aapka hi hai, akhbaar ke paise aapne diye hain, araam se jaaiye latrine mein, aur dil khol ke lutf uthaiye khabron ka.