Bachpan se humne bhi khoob rishtey jhele hain. Koi baap bana, koi Ma bani, koi dost, koi shadi ka material. Log aaye, log gaye... shikayat ek hi thi.
"Badtameez, tatti mein jaake akhbaar padhte ho?"
Sawaal ek, poochhane vaale kai. Har subah, jab chai ki 3 chuskiyaan maarke main hagne ka praayojan karun, ghar bhar mein mauzood sabhi aankhen bas ektak meri taraf taaken. Pehla kadam, doosra kadam, teesra kadam... aur yeh, aur isi ke saath Utsav Khare ne phirse akhbaar haath mein le liya hai aur Vidya ki Devi ko agarbatti ki jagah koi aur hi khushbu sunghaane ka poora programme bana liya hai.
Zindagi guzar gayi yeh sawaal jhelate-jhelate. Aur jawaab dhoondate-dhoondate.
Ab iska koi kya jawaab de. Kaise koi bataye ki is kism ki khabron ko pacha ke nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.
"Rakhi Sawant swayamwar mein chunengi apna pati." Ab aisi khabar pet ke raaste hote hue dil tak pahunch gayi, toh hum bhi boriya-bistar baandhe line mein khade nazar aayenge. Aap hum par hansenge. Biwi choodiyaan todegi. Rakhi hum jaise ka chehra dekh kar aayojakon ko joota maaregi. Ab ek aurat ke haathon hum apni aisi beijjati toh jhel na paayenge. Humaare bhi jaanane vaale media aur politics mein hain. Kuch hum bhi zor lagayenge, dharne karvaayenge. Ho sakta hai, danga-fasaad bhi ho jaaye. Aisi khabar desh ki sukh-shanti ke liye haanikaarak ho sakti hai. Isko commode par baithe-baithe khaana, pachaana aur nikaal dena behad zaruri hai.
Agli khabar. "Saansad sahab ki kutiya ne diye judva bachche." Sochiye ki yeh khabar hum bahar drawing room mein baith kar padhein, apni dulaari kutiya ke saamne. Kya ashaayen nahin badhengi humaari? Kya hum nahin chahenge ki hum bhi samaaj ki nazron mein upar uthein. Saansad mahodaya ke level par pahunche. Ab sasti quality ki pedigree toh hum apni kutiya ko nahin khilaate. Hum kutiya ko puchkaarenge, doodh din mein do martaba pilaana shuru karenge. Lekin kutiya bhi toh hai padhe-likhe khaandaan mein pali badhi. Family planning to uski nas-nas mein hai. Usne toh pehle se hi kutte ko chetavani de rakhi hogi, "Jo karna hai karo, lekin itna jaan lo, hum 2 humaara 1." Toh kutta-kutiya ki is saazish ke maare judwa hone se rahe. Pilla paida hoga ek, aur hum maar-maar ke kutiya ki haalat kharaab kar denge. Zindagi mein ek dafa chance mila Sansad ka hissa banane ka, aur is mari se voh bhi dekha na gaya. Kutiya bhi kam nahin, jamke badla legi. Raat-beraat drawing room mein jaake dil khol ke hag maaregi. Aap hi bataiye, kutiya ki gand saaf karne se khud araam se akhbaar padhte hue hagna behtar nahin?
2 headline se zyaada aajkal akhbaar mein hota kya hai? Ab surkhiyaan hongi khatam, aur photoyen hongi shuru. Rumaal barabar kapde ki T-shirt pehne ladki, aur uske fate hue ghuttane mein chamchamaate per. Ab aisi cheezen sabke saamne khulke dekhane mein anand kahan? Hum thoda jhukenge, thode tirchhe honge. Agle panne ko haath mein tayyar rakhenge ki jaise hi emergency ho, panna palat maarein. Ab itni khurpench mein bhala koi kisi ki sundarta ka saaf dil se kya nazaara dekhega. Poora ghar aapka hi hai, akhbaar ke paise aapne diye hain, araam se jaaiye latrine mein, aur dil khol ke lutf uthaiye khabron ka.
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